Whistler

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I wrote a post, and the amusing thing about it was that at the end of the post I realized something.

For the longest time, I didn’t try very hard to stand out. I ended up in a lot of cookie cutter jobs. Call center work usually, although I spent time in an accounting office and on a production floor as well. I was never a manager. I was never even a team leader. My strength was that I was good enough to be reliable, but not good enough to have to be noticed. I once went half a year without a monthly review because my supervisor said my stats were as stable as our paychecks.

So now, I’m trying something different. Something to stand out, something to push me into a bigger venue.

Only, I did the hard part. I sat down, I wrote a novel. I edited it. (Yes, I know, bad form but I know that now.) I got it published. I even made money from it. So many people give up before they get there. Hell, even I have given up before I got there. If it wasn’t for strategic pushes provided by friends who believed, I would have still been dithering at my computer with forty seven books with three chapters each written in them.

For some reason, I give myself so little credit for what I did. I mean, perhaps my book wasn’t a huge financial success, but I learned *so* much, it doesn’t matter. I figured out where I was lacking, and I’ve made considerable effort to improve. It’s the only way to learn, no different from taking a pottery class or making your first souffle. But unlike making my first souffle, or learning how to throw clay, I don’t think to myself, “Yeah, I’m an author now.”

So, my next realization needs to be that while this is my dream, it’s a dream that I’ve been pursuing for four years now. I’ve put in time, effort, and even had a manuscript edited professionally. (Although sadly, that’s where most of my learning came from and that manuscript is not ready by any stretch.)

I think at this point, most of my problem will be solved by joining my flock of friends who believe in me, and just accept that I’m chasing my dream, and that’s okay. 

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