The Matador

I am finished with summer quarter! I took a World Literature class, and got more out of it than I expected to. I read Tolstoy and Kafka, Borges and Shakespeare, Li Bo and more. I’m a literary nerd now, or at least my business partner seems to think so.

The truth is that I don’t like online classes. When I’m in class, I have a motivation to do ALL THE THINGS. When I’m in an online class, I don’t hear the other students and I don’t get their perspectives, which helps me develop my own method of thinking about the material. I do the reading a teacher asks me to do. I didn’t do all the reading on my online class, and I should have.

That said, I was doing the bare minimum but I kept getting high marks and ‘Excellent work’ from my teacher. She even thought I interpreted poetry well! I got into the class more and more. I didn’t just get high marks – I got retention and recall out of it.

That’s the upside of this summer. And there were a few. I have spent time with Toby, finally without summer school, and he’s a blast. I’ve seen him grow a lot this summer. We’ve worked on school habits he needs to improve, like his handwriting, and I’ve seen a lot of improvement in a short amount of time. He’s grown a lot in other ways as well but that development is it’s own post.

I have learned the hard way that taking a class, taking care of an active nine-year-old, running the household and trying to write a novel on top of all of it… not to mention having an active social life… requires more spoons than I have.

Summer = spoon debt.

I hit this wall the first quarter I started school, too, not because of the season but because I lived my life differently. I still lived on the time demands of a worker rather than a student, and I had no idea how many spoons would be invested in school.

Apparently, it is my lot in life to try to do too much, in any given situation. My friends would point and laugh, they’ve been telling me this for years. However, this time around it had an impact on my health and that wasn’t cool. I have to slow down, or face the consequences of having a brick wall slow me down instead.

I’m afraid that if I slow down, I won’t get it all done. That said, when I was going twice as fast, I was *still* afraid of not getting it done. I believe at this point that I’m just not going to get it all done, because that is one way that life is different than stories… but then I’m afraid I’ll lose my fire for getting things done if I decide to relax instead of being motivated.

I haven’t quite figured out how I’m coming to terms with that one. Certainly I will muddle it out here.

Change is inevitable, I suppose, it’s just whether it knocks you down or whether you grab it by the horns. I’ve always been more of a grab it by the horns girl, myself.


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